I'm just not feeling the Oscars this year. Maybe it's because I'm scrambling to finish a book on time (or, to be honest, less late). Maybe it's because I'm more excited about another upcoming awards ceremony. Or maybe it's because no one's expecting any surprises. (Although I suppose no one ever expects surprises. That's why they're surprises. But you know what I mean: The major categories seem to be one shoo-in after another.)
For the first time ever I even kinda-sorta know one of the nominees -- and I kinda-sorta know him well enough to say that he's a good guy, no kinda-sorta about it, and we should all totally (not kinda-sorta) root for him.
Go, Graham Moore! Woo-hoo!
But that's about all the woo-hooing I can do. Still, duty calls. For the last umpteen-umpteen years, I've gone head to smooth, shiny head with my old college chum (and noted Rob Corddry lookalike) Paul G. Rodes in an Oscar Pickapalooza. And so -- traditiooooooooon! Tradition! Once again I shall let slip the dogs of war, throw down the gauntlet, take off the gloves and mix the metaphors.
You'll find my predictions below. I've tried to make things more interesting by tossing in five bonus-point wild card prognostications. And I've tried to keep things interesting by not bothering with the bathroom break categories.
Paul, you know the stakes: a T-shirt and one's manly honor. If anyone else wants to join in, go for it. If you beat me, I'll send you a free book. If I beat you, you have to buy one of my choosing. (Don't worry. I'll choose something cheap.)
Best Picture: Boyhood
Best Director: Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Best Actor: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Best Actress: Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Best Supporting Actor: J.K. Simmons, Whiplash
Best Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Best Adapted Screenplay: Graham Moore (woo-hoo!), The Imitation Game
Best Original Screenplay: Wes Anderson (woo-hoo!) (I don't know him, I just really dig his stuff), The Grand Budapest Hotel
And my five bonus-point predictions:
*Neil Patrick Harris will make a joke at Seth MacFarlane's expense within the first 12.5 minutes of the broadcast.
*The joke will be a variation on A Million Ways to Die in the West (e.g., a reference to MacFarlane's having discovered "a million ways to die at the box office/at the Oscars/etc.")
*There will be a gag in which a movie star rushes the stage Kanye West-style.
*The star will protest The Lego Movie's shutout from the animated feature film category.
*The star will be Will Ferrell.