A few friends of mine seemed to find my last couple posts here a tad too negative. In the past, I might have responded to that with something along the lines of "Too negative? Screw you, pal! I'm a 24-7 ray of goddamn sunshine! Now shut your face and bask in my cheery warmth, shitbird!"
But not now. New year, new attitude. From here on, it's all positivity, all the time! Until 2014 rolls around, that is. Then I'm going to go back to being a surly S.O.B. You've been warned. Enjoy it while you can, people.
Let the good vibes commence.
You know what I love? Christmas! Too bad it's over. But that's O.K., because January has some great things to look forward to, too. Like...umm...well...New Year's Day. Which is over, too, of course. Oh, and Martin Luther King Day. That's cool...even though I don't work in an office anymore, so it's not like I'm gonna get the day off. It just means my children will be out of school, so I'll get, like, zero work done even though I've got this huge deadline hanging over me. But whatever! Accentuate the positive, right? I'm sure I'll have a wonderful time playing games with the kids and making them cookies and hot chocolate and snuggling up to read them stories and breaking up their insane, pointless fights and getting shrieked at by them because we're out of ketchup and like an ass I made hot dogs for lunch instead of the f-ing frozen pizza that tastes like tomato-smeared cardboard. Yeah. That's gonna be great.
But I kid poor, dear, dreary, depressing, soul-crushing ol' January. For some people, it's the highpoint of the year. When else can you get on TV just by flash-freezing your testes in a major body of water? And every film fan knows that January's the time when Hollywood rolls out its most unique offerings -- movies so special they wouldn't be able to fit in (or compete) during the blockbuster summer or Christmas seasons. So, hello, Van Helsing 2! Let me grab my popcorn, Dick Tracy Returns! Boy, I think Al Pacino's buried under even more makeup this time than last! He's got enough goo on his puss to fill every Silly Putty egg from now till Easter! What's that you say? That's Sean Penn hiding behind the Play-Doh schnoz? Well, the joke's on me...especially if I bought a ticket.
Alright, alright. You caught me. I'm being a wee bit sarcastic. But seriously -- who could hate January when it means that a new Congress is in session? I mean, if these guys don't put a smile on your face, nothing will, right? Right? Right?
Awww, screw it. January sucks. I'll start over with the accentuate-the-positive crap in February....
Postscript: A genuine, unironic, no foolin' list of things I'm enjoying this January.
*Portlandia on Netflix
*L.A. Requiem by Robert Crais
*Star Trek on Netflix
*Words with Friends
*The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes on Netflix
*Bourbon, amaretto, Angostura bitters, maraschino cherries and instant lemonade (e-mail me for the precise proportions)