New Year's Devolutions

A few friends of mine seemed to find my last couple posts here a tad too negative. In the past, I might have responded to that with something along the lines of "Too negative? Screw you, pal! I'm a 24-7 ray of goddamn sunshine! Now shut your face and bask in my cheery warmth, shitbird!"

But not now. New year, new attitude. From here on, it's all positivity, all the time! Until 2014 rolls around, that is. Then I'm going to go back to being a surly S.O.B. You've been warned. Enjoy it while you can, people.

Let the good vibes commence.

You know what I love? Christmas! Too bad it's over. But that's O.K., because January has some great things to look forward to, too. Like...umm...well...New Year's Day. Which is over, too, of course. Oh, and Martin Luther King Day. That's cool...even though I don't work in an office anymore, so it's not like I'm gonna get the day off. It just means my children will be out of school, so I'll get, like, zero work done even though I've got this huge deadline hanging over me. But whatever! Accentuate the positive, right? I'm sure I'll have a wonderful time playing games with the kids and making them cookies and hot chocolate and snuggling up to read them stories and breaking up their insane, pointless fights and getting shrieked at by them because we're out of ketchup and like an ass I made hot dogs for lunch instead of the f-ing frozen pizza that tastes like tomato-smeared cardboard. Yeah. That's gonna be great.

But I kid poor, dear, dreary, depressing, soul-crushing ol' January. For some people, it's the highpoint of the year. When else can you get on TV just by flash-freezing your testes in a major body of water? And every film fan knows that January's the time when Hollywood rolls out its most unique offerings -- movies so special they wouldn't be able to fit in (or compete) during the blockbuster summer or Christmas seasons. So, hello, Van Helsing 2! Let me grab my popcorn, Dick Tracy Returns! Boy, I think Al Pacino's buried under even more makeup this time than last! He's got enough goo on his puss to fill every Silly Putty egg from now till Easter! What's that you say? That's Sean Penn hiding behind the Play-Doh schnoz? Well, the joke's on me...especially if I bought a ticket.

Alright, alright. You caught me. I'm being a wee bit sarcastic. But seriously -- who could hate January when it means that a new Congress is in session? I mean, if these guys don't put a smile on your face, nothing will, right? Right? Right?

Awww, screw it. January sucks. I'll start over with the accentuate-the-positive crap in February....

Postscript: A genuine, unironic, no foolin' list of things I'm enjoying this January.

*Portlandia on Netflix

*L.A. Requiem by Robert Crais

*Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings

*My Kindle

*Star Trek on Netflix

*Smoove & Turrell

*Words with Friends

*Mayer Hawthorne

*The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes on Netflix

*Star Trek: The Newspaper Strip, Vol. 1

*Bourbon, amaretto, Angostura bitters, maraschino cherries and instant lemonade (e-mail me for the precise proportions)

Comments

[Karen]

I'm with you, Steve. I hate January. I might hate February more, but it's hard to say because they both suck so bad. And for some reason as I get older the cold seems colder and the snow seems snowier and I just hate it all. (I seem to be full of lots of hate from about January 1 till the end of March.) I'm glad you found some things to be thankful for. I was just thinking of things I'm thankful for this morning. Family aside, I came up with 1) my own working washer and dryer, 2) the internet, 3) hot water and 4) coffee. It may not be much, but if I think about how much more winter (and life in general) would suck without those things, I start to feel better. Oh, and Happy New Year.

[Brenda Lee]

You know what really screws up your New Year? A week in the hospital and the discovery that your husband has cancer. It trumps all things and puts annoyances in perspective. I've barely seen my kids this week, as I hold my husband's hand through the fevers and pain. Now we know what it is, but we have many months of chemo and struggle to look forward to. Oh yeah, and my BP was 190/100, so that's not cool. I guess I'm saying do have cocoa with your kids and live them and enjoy even the annoyances. That's the small stuff guys. The secret is it's all small.

[Steve]

I hear you, Karen. Winter = suck. Winter pre-electricity = BIG suck. Shout out to my homies Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla and George Westinghouse!

Wow, B.L. -- I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Fingers crossed the chemo does its job. It sounds like he has a strong lady by his side, so he's got that going for him. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. And yes -- I'll whip up cocoa and break up fights without complaint. Thanks for the perspective.

[Adam McFarlane]

I loved your short stories in the latest Charlaine Harris/Toni Kelner anthology and a recent issue of AHMM (or was it EQMM?). Do you have any news you can share about anything that might be published in 2013?

[Steve]

Thanks, Adam! I was really proud of those stories. I meant to follow them up with more shorts, but due to various deadlines I haven't had time. I will be appearing in a few anthologies that should see the light of day this year, though, so stay tuned for deets. And I'm still hoping to crank up the short story production machine one of these days. If only these darned books didn't keep getting in the way....

[Chris]

At least YOUR birthday isn't in January...although I did read a scientific article stating that people who have many birthdays live longer recently, so it might not all be bad :p

[Diana Eisenbart]

Will you ever publish World's Greatest Sleuth in paperback?

[Steve]

There'll be a paperback, Diana, but it won't be available for three or four years due to factors beyond my control. But hey -- the hardcover's only $10 on Amazon!