Or something like that. I've never been great with lyrics. No matter how many times I hear "Frosty the Snowman," I never know where to put the chorus when it's time to sing it myself. I always end up on an infinite, Sisyphean loop from the old silk hat to the traffic cop and back without ever reaching the thumpety thump thump.
Come to think of it, why is a snowman thumping, anyway? What "thumps" through snow? Shouldn't it be "crunchety crunch crunch"? Or maybe "squishity squish squish," since we know the poor slob's melting?
Back to the point: Christmastime is here, and we all know what that means. It's time for another government shutdown! As they've been saying around Capitol Hill lately, "I wish I had a trillion dollars...hot dog!" Only without the "hot dog!" part.
Oh, my. Did I get off the subject again? Yes, yes I did. I meant to say this.
Christmastime is here, and we all know what that means. It's time for every blogger worth his (or her) salt (or salt substitute) to slap up a holiday-themed post. As a blogger, I'm not worth a pinch of Mrs. Dash -- will someone please tell me what the point of that stuff is? -- but I love Christmas, so here goes. Wake up the kids, Mr. and Mrs. America. Santa Steve's reaching into his magic sack and pulling out what every child wants: plugs, links and embedded videos!
First, the plugs and links.
My writer-pal Esri Allbritten is offering readers a free Christmas story that ties in with her lighthearted new mystery series. You can get "'Twas the Chihuahua Before Christmas" (and learn more about Esri and her quirky cast of characters) by going here.
Writer-pal Kristine Kathryn Rusch is also offering a holiday tale for free. You can find her Twilight Zone-ish story "The Last Christmas Letter" here. (There's a reason it's Twilight Zone-ish. It first appeared in a TZ tribute anthology.)
Writer-pal Ken Harmon isn't giving anything away for free, but his novel The Fat Man would still make a great stocking stuffer for the hardboiled mystery lover in your life. Why? The book trailer explains it better than I can.
Oh, and if that hardboiled mystery lover of yours owns a Kindle or Nook, you could always stuff my Christmas book in their cyber-stocking. I don't know about your loved ones, but it sure would make my holidays holly-jollier.
And now...embedded videos! First up, a reminder why The Thin Man isn't just a great mystery and a great comedy, it's also a great holiday movie. Behold, as Nick Charles tries out his favorite Christmas present. Be careful, Nick -- you'll shoot your eye out!
Next up, a chilling (and brutally graphic) holiday PSA courtesy of the sick geniuses over at Robot Chicken. Take heed, youngsters. This is why you don't want to mess with "Jingle Bells"...or Batman.
And finally, a punk-funk-ska Christmas classic. If this doesn't get you in the holiday mood...well, that would totally make sense. Put on some Johnny Mathis.