It looks like Bob Geldof isn't going to reply to my e-mails, so I guess I'll have to handle this myself. Someone's in need, and if Sting, Bono and Bananarama aren't going to sing about it, there's only one thing to do.
It's time for a fun run, people!
On second thought, there's not only one thing to do. There are two things to do. And I'm going to choose the one that won't require me to break a sweat. I'm going to put out a new book.
Here's the cover. Yes, the above-mentioned "someone in need" is my dog. Her name is Amy, she's three years old and she has luxating patella. That's bad knees to you and me. How bad are they? Well, they occasionally pop out and go for a jaunt around Amy's hind legs, and that's not good. As you might have guessed from the title of the book, there's only one way to fix this little problem -- surgery. Expensive surgery. (As opposed to the cheap kind they're always pushing at BigLots.)
The bad news: I don't have expensive surgery-type money just lying around. The good news: I do have a bunch of mystery stories and humorous essays that have been begging to be packaged together in a collection. So if you buy My Dog Needs Surgery, you'll get seven short stories (previously published in Ellery Queen and Alfred Hitchcock and various mystery anthologies) plus seven essays PLUS the good karma that comes from helping a cute little dog. How many other books can promise you all that for 99 cents?
Yes -- 99 cents. I might be trying to passive-aggressively guilt you into buying my new e-book, but at least it's a bargain.
And speaking of passive-aggressive guilt trips, I'm going to drop the passive here for a second and say, flat-out, that I need your help. I'll have to sell a lot of these suckers to make a dent in Amy's medical expenses. So if you're going to buy My Dog Needs Surgery, please do me a favor. (Well, another favor, seeing as you're already buying the danged book.) Do it today. ASAP. Now, even. Because the more downloads we sell right off the bat, the higher the book will go in the Amazon and Barnes and Noble rankings. And the higher it goes, the more people will see it and (hopefully) get curious about it and (fingers crossed) buy it and (knock on wood) like it and (please, God, please!) write nice reviews of it.
Oh, that reminds me. It'd be great if you could review the book, too. You know...if you like it.
Geez, when did I get to be so demanding?
Anyway, My Dog Needs Surgery is available in a variety of e-formats here, here and here. Tell 'em Amy sent you. Then tell 'em Amy needs surgery and why haven't they bought her book yet?!?