DO write. That means putting words together to form sentences that you actually hope other human beings will one day read. (For the reason an explanation is necessary, see below.)
DON'T spend more than three months "researching" or "brainstorming" or "outlining" or "creating character bios" for your novel. All this might -- might -- count as work on your book, but it's not writing. (See above.)
DO read.
DON'T spend too much time reading about how to write. The best way to learn to write is to write. (See above again.)
DO keep reading this list. I didn't mean for you to stop reading my writing advice.
DON'T complain to me if you think that "Dos and Don'ts" should be "Do's and Don't's." That looks way weird to me.
DO the hustle. Really. Loosen up those hips. It's good for you.
DON'T be discouraged because something you've written didn't turn out as well you would have liked. Because the next bit of wisdom is that you...
DO rewrite. But on the other hand...
DON'T feel too bad about walking away from an idea that isn't working for you. Even the best writers abandon projects from time to time. It sucks, I hate it, but sometimes it's the thing to do.
DO try to learn something from such setbacks. For instance: "Maybe writing a second person, present tense novel about a dead bumble bee slowly rotting in the grill of a VW Rabbit wasn't such a good idea."
DON'T be downhearted if you happen to be writing a second person, present tense novel about a dead bumble bee slowly rotting in the grill of a VW Rabbit. I wasn't saying it can't be done. In fact, I bet you're just the writer to pull it off. You go, girl (or guy)!
DO go. No matter what you're writing.
DON'T be confused by "DO go." I just mean you should throw yourself into your work with as much confidence as you can muster. All the same...
DO get feedback on your writing. Yet...
DON'T try to treat every comment as equally valid. That way madness lies. "Wait a second...Aunt Elsa said she stopped reading when she got to the part about the bee's left wing falling off, but that was Uncle Frank's favorite scene in the book! ARRRRRRRGH!!!"
DO send your babies out into the world when you think they might be ready. A book or story does nothing for you gathering cyber-dust on a hard drive.
DON'T be discouraged -- or even surprised -- if some people hate your babies. Baby-haters are everywhere, actually. You'll have to get used to them sooner or later.
DO be prepared for a lot of indifference.
DON'T let it spread to you. Enthusiasm can be contagious, too. Start an epidemic!
DO remember to cover your mouth when you sneeze. (I know that doesn't have anything to do with writing. All that contagion talk just got me thinking about cold and flu season.)
DON'T take any wooden nickels. Unless you collect them, in which case you should graciously accept any that come your way.
DO aim high. Start with the biggest agents, the biggest publishers, the biggest magazines, the biggest websites. If you're going to get rejected, you might as well get rejected by the best!
DON'T become bitter if things don't immediately go your way. Things don't immediately go anyone's way.
DO buy me a drink sometime if things do immediately go your way. You are one lucky S.(or D.)O.B. Spread the good juju around.
On second thought, DO squeeze the Charmin. Break rules. Push boundaries. Grope toilet paper. Whatever it takes to find a fresh new approach to your chosen genre.
DON'T be a stranger. By which I mean...
DO try to build an audience using social media. Although...
DON'T forget that you're a writer, not a tweeter. If you're spending more time doing online consumer outreach (i.e., blowing hours every day on Kindle Boards), you should think about downloading Freedom.
DOobie doobie doo.
DON'T let the bedbugs bite.
DO follow your muse. But...
DON'T forget that your work needs an audience. If your muse is whispering to you about dead bees, you'll either have to (A) get a new muse or (B) resign yourself to a rank somewhere north of 1,000,000 when your e-book hits Amazon.
DO you really want to hurt me? Because you will if you give up. But most of all...
DON'T stop believin'. (And no -- I DON'T have to add a link to that song. You hear it in your head already, don't you?)
Oh, and one more: DON'T count to see if there are really 50 Dos and Don'ts on this list. You've got better things to DO.
Great list, Mr. Hockensmith. Nicely done.
Posted by: S.G. Browne | June 09, 2011 at 12:18 PM
Well-done, lots of humor interspersed with great advice!
Posted by: Chelle Cordero | June 09, 2011 at 01:01 PM
All true, well stated, and triggered the infamous ROMPER ROOM ear worm, "Do Be a Do Be, Don't Be a Don't Be..."
Posted by: Richard Prosch | June 09, 2011 at 04:21 PM
you are helllllla smart. that's why i look up to you, among other reasons. plus my kids thing you're cool.
Posted by: sophie littlefield | June 09, 2011 at 06:14 PM
Goals should be specific, so I'm using "write 100,000 words, edit them all twice, *then* ask myself if I am a writer."
Because by then I'll have a much clearer idea :)
thanks for the great post Steve!
Posted by: Mysti | June 10, 2011 at 05:22 AM
Since you mentioned how writers should read, have you read "Sherlock Holmes was wrong" by Pierre Bayard? It offers a pretty well reasoned take on who the real killer in Hound of the Baskervilles was.
As I read Bayard's reasoning against some of Holmes' more wild leaps of logic, I couldn't help thinking Old Red would never make those mistakes. It's a little slow in the middle, but I recommend the book to anyone that's a Holmes fan.
Posted by: Jeff Q. | June 10, 2011 at 07:32 AM
I wonder... is it okay to laugh now, or is that a don´t?
Posted by: Dorte H | June 10, 2011 at 10:56 AM
The modem died on my home PC so I'm at the library to check messages and I've been here longer than I thought I would be because of unexpected news that required a response (Holmes on the Range is coming out in China! Yeehaw!) so I've really got to type this fast because I think I'm about to get a ticket (seriously -- the library is right across the street from the police department) so I'll just say thanks for the comments everybody and no I haven't read Sherlock Holmes Was Wrong yet but I've heard good things about it and the premise is certainly intriguing. O.K., gotta run out the door now. Pray the quarter I fed the meter lasted long enough to cover my modem-less ass....
Posted by: Steve | June 10, 2011 at 03:28 PM
Also, when you do cover your coughs and sneezes, make sure you use the crook of your elbow, as demonstrated in this helpful video from the Maine Medical Center, et al:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDpMLCve6iE
Sorry your ass lost its modem, Steve. Hope you get that fixed soon.
Posted by: Daisy | June 10, 2011 at 05:01 PM
Excellent advice with a bit of honey to make it go down quite easily.
Posted by: Helen Ginger | June 12, 2011 at 06:31 AM
Helen, the only honey is zombie honey (not that you're my zombie honey, honey). Remember, the bee is dead. Poor bee.
Posted by: Chris Abbey | June 23, 2011 at 03:17 PM
"Here the path to madness lies." Thank you so much for that, I've basically lost all faith in the writer's workshop because of the problems of nitpicking. You can get way too many voices in your head.
I'd have to say my biggest struggle is writing and reading at the same time. I'll go through stints where I read like crazy, and the writing goes by the wayside, then vice versa. Plus you have to juggle that with all the other things you should be doing everyday like 1)working out 2)flossing 3)interacting with other human beings 4)eating and sleeping etc. etc. Gah!
Posted by: Kim | June 24, 2011 at 12:38 PM
I hear you, Kim -- striking a balance between writing and life is hard. That's why I've done away with #2 almost entirely and have been steadily whittling away at #3 and the second half of #4....
-Steve
Posted by: Steve | June 29, 2011 at 10:55 PM