I'm a Poet and I DO Know It

The clock is ticking, gang. It's only three months until the release of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls, after which I will either become (A) an unbearable egomaniac drunk on my own success or (B) an embittered failure drunk on Colt 45. So you've only got one more chance to meet the old, lovable me. And there's an added inducement: You'll get to hear the old, lovable me recite poetry!

On second thought, I'm not sure that is an inducement, except to stay away. I've never claimed to be a great poet. But the fine folks at the Cuyahoga County Public Library in Cleveland-ish, Ohio, have invited me to take my beret and black turtleneck out of mothballs and beat the ol' bongos, so how could I say no? Here's the deal.

Tuesday, Dec. 29, I will be appearing at the Chagrin Falls Branch from 7 to 8:30 p.m. I actually make appearances at that branch every Christmas, since it's a mile from my in-laws' house and inevitably I end up in the Children's Room reading The Berenstain Bears Go to the Moon over and over again. The difference being the audience: This time, you're invited, not just my kids. Oh, and I won't be reading The Berenstain Bears Go to the Moon.

I will be reading from The Crack in the Lens, Dawn of the Dreadfuls and (as part of the library's Poem of the Month program) my extensive collection of blank verse poesy. One caveat before you pull up in the bus you've chartered for all your friends and relatives: The library wants everyone who plans on attending to register in advance. It's still free! Don't worry about that! But if you think you can make it, go here and click on "Register."

You'll be glad you did. Or not. But I know I'll be glad. Because if no one shows up, it's back to the Berenstain Bears.

Steve Hockensmith
December 14, 2009

Comments

[Jen Forbus]

What a great Xmas surprise! I'm registered and I'm excited for you to come this way, Steve!

[Steve]

Huzzah! That's great! I'll bring a little post-Christmas stocking stuffer to show my appreciation for your making the long drive.

See, guys? Distance is no excuse. Rent that bus (or, depending on the weather, snowmobile) and make the trek to Chagrin Falls. If not for me, just come to see a town called "Chagrin Falls." It actually lives up to the name. It's so quaint, especially during the holidays, I always expect to see Jimmy Stewart running down the middle of the street yelling, "Merry Christmas, Chagrin Falls!"

-Steve

[John S]

Poetry?

There once was a fellow named Steve
Whose jacket had a patch on each sleeve
He worte a few books
About cowboys and crooks
More success he's sure to achieve

Sorry I won't be able to attend the event, but I'm sure we'll see each other in the new year. Till then, have a safe and happy holiday, and enjoy the limericky attempt at poetry.

[Steve]

Great poem! I'm so relieved you chose to rhyme "Steve" with "sleeve" and "achieve" as opposed to "peeve," "deceive" or "heave." Happy holidays right back at you, man -- and the same goes for everyone else!

-Steve

[Stella]

Hi! I've made the public library of my city buy "Holmes on the range" (in Italian, of course): so the citizens of Poggio a Caiano will read you!

P.S: Sorry if i wrote it here. I can't write to you in Twitter, I don't know why!

[Steve]

Thanks for the arm-twisting on my behalf, Stella! Think you could do the same in Italy's 1,000 or so other public libraries? Maybe then Hobby & Work would get around to bringing out "On the Wrong Track" in Italiano.

And sorry you couldn't tweet me. I'll have to check on that. Danged privacy settings. Doesn't Twitter know writers don't *want* privacy? Well, unless they're J.D. Salinger.

-Steve

[Stella]

Oh, yes, I promise I will try!

[Shawn]

I believe it says Tuesday, Dec. 27th. The 27th is a Sunday.

Hmmm, I missed Bouchercon. Maybe a road trip from Indiana to Chargin Falls is in order.

[Shawn]

The website has it as Dec. 29th, a Tuesday.

10 hour total road trip...hmmm, I don't know that I'm that dedicated. The bears to the moon might push me to do it, but that's hard core.

[Steve]

Whoops -- the 29th it is! My bad. Thanks for the catch. As for the road trip...well, I probably shouldn't say this, but even *I* don't think I'm worth a 10-hour road trip. Seven hours, maybe seven and a half, tops.

-Steve