If No News Is Good News, What Is This?

What does it say about this blog that I haven't posted anything in almost two weeks and my hits have gone up? Maybe I should never post anything here at all. Then this site would get really popular!

Unfortunately, I'll have to risk driving away all my newfound fans -- the ones who enjoy coming here because there's hardly ever any of those pesky updates that make other blogs so unpredictable -- because I've got news.

First off, the new issue of Mystery Scene magazine (#108, for those who like to be precise about such things) just showed up in my mailbox, and mixed in with the usual batch of cool features and reviews was "Fletch Lives," an essay I wrote paying homage to the late, great Gregory Mcdonald. The issue should be in bookstores any day now.

Already gracing the shelves is Sherlock Holmes in America, a new anthology devoted to tales about...well, guess. My contribution -- "Excerpts from an Unpublished Memoir Found in the Basement of the Home for Retired Actors" -- has won a rave from Kirkus Reviews. Alas, it's a "ranting and raving" kind of rave: My story, according to Kirkus's review, is "foolish and inconsequential." But hey -- it's funny! At least I think so. But then again, maybe I'm just an inconsequential fool. (By the way, the book also includes sober, levelheaded stories of great consequence by fab writers like Loren Estleman, Jon L. Breen, Matthew Pearl and Saddle Pal Bill Crider. So check it out!)

Also of great consequence (to some of us, anyway): I just got word this morning that Tantor Media will be doing the audiobook for the next Big Red/Old Red mystery, The Crack in the Lens. Tantor did a bang-up job with the first three novels, all read by voiceovermeister William Dufris, so it looks like we're on track for nine more hours of unabridged listening goodness.

And finally, I've saved the best for last. Big Red and Old Red have cracked the greatest mystery of all -- how to break into the movies! Yes, Holmes on the Range: The Motion Picture is finally moving ahead. Steve Buscemi is Old Red. Cedric the Entertainer is Big Red. And I couldn't be more thrilled! For the full scoop on the production, check out today's Daily Variety.

Steve Hockensmith
April 1, 2009

Comments

[Bill Hess]

I still think that Sinbad would have been a better choice for Big Red than Cedric. I do get a great birthday present from you, though, as the Crack in the Lens comes out on my birthday this year. I couldn't be more excited about that!! Thanks!!

[Steve]

Sinbad, eh? Hmmmm...well, he would be cheaper, that's for sure. I'll pass the idea along to the producers. Who knows? Maybe one of them is a big fan of "Houseguest."

And glad to oblige on the birthday present! I'm not such a big fan of my own birthdays anymore -- the closer I got to 40, the less fun they were. So I'm happy if I can bring a little extra cheer to somebody else's!

-Steve

[Richard Prosch]

Cedric may become the definitive Big Red! But who's in your mind's eye when you write? Do you cast a specific celebrity, or are your characters unique to your own experience? I remember reading that Parker could never see Robert Urich as Spenser, while I still find myself imagining the actor's mannerisms, etc. when I read the books. Looking forward to the Gregory Mcdonald piece!

[Lee]

Not funny. You had me excited until I realized who Cedric was. I shall now place all of my Red books at the back of the bookcase.

So. there.

[Steve]

In reply to Richard: I don't usually have actors in mind when I write Big Red or Old Red or any other characters. I can be influenced by people I know, public figures or pictures I've seen, though. The first time I describe Diana Corvus in "On the Wrong Track"? That's my wife. And I couldn't get a handle on a character in book #5, the one I'm working on now, until I decided she had the skill and ambition of Ida Tarbell, the bitter wit of Dorothy Parker and the looks (and interpersonal skills) of Ann Coulter. That locked her right into place. As for Big Red and Old Red, the way I describe them physically was influenced by a couple pictures I saw years ago, when I was researching the first book. One shot's of a pair of mismatched 1880s Wells Fargo guards, the younger dude good-looking and clean-shaven, the older small-framed and mustachioed. The other picture's a late 19th century or early 20th century portrait of some guy -- I don't even remember who, I think it was someone completely obscure -- with a high forehead and memorably large ears and nose and mustache. That's Old Red to me, now. I'll have to dig up those shots some day and post them on the site. Or then again, maybe I shouldn't. If my readers want to picture Steve Buscemi and Cedric the Entertainer, who am I to tell them they're wrong?

In reply to Lee: Sorry!

-Steve

[Lee]

Apology accepted. However, I still have hopes that someone in Glitterland will come to appreciate your style and feel the need to bring the boys to the screen.

[John Schramm]

April foolish and inconsequential, you are!!

I would have Sam Elliot as Old Red, and Brad Garrett as Big Red.

[Richard Prosch]

Enjoyed your reply and I grok totally your description of getting a handle on an imagined character. True confession: I've always sorta pictured Big Red as a more articulate Aldo Ray especially as Hucko in "Pat and Mike." I can see you as Spencer Tracy now:

"Who Made ya, Big Red?"
"You did, Steve."
"Who owns the biggest percent of you?"
"You do, Steve."
"What would happen to you without me?"
etc.

[Steve]

Yo, John! Hope all's well these days. I love Sam Elliot, but he's about forty years too old to play Old Red. Plus, he's too tall. My dad actually sent him a copy of ON THE WRONG TRACK because he thought Elliot would be perfect as Burl Lockhart, the boys' grizzled/embittered Pinkerton foil. I agree -- I can't think of anyone who'd fit the part better. Alas, no one's rushing to make that particular movie at the moment. (Sorry again, Lee!)

Kudos to you for slipping in the word "grok," Richard! For some reason, it always puts a little smile on my face. Wow, Aldo Ray -- what an interesting choice. Physically, I think he's definitely in the ballpark. I can't remember seeing him in anything where he had that Big Red twinkle in the eye, though. Maybe Aldo Ray's body would work if we could graft on James Garner's charm. And Ben Affleck's face. And Red Buttons' hair. And Owen Wilson's vocal cords.

Paging Dr. Frankenstein!

-Steve

[Cap'n Bob]

Cedric? Wasn't Whoopie Goldberg available?

[Lee]

There's a part of me that hopes you never do get made simply because it's more fun "see" the film in my head vs. what Hollywood would do.

[Steve]

Of course, what I really want to see is an extra zero on the end of my savings, so I say come on, Hollywood -- ruin my characters. Please!!!

-Steve