Little did I know when I launched this blog three years ago that I wasn't just creating a hub for fans of my work. (Hey, fans! Hope you're enjoying the hubbing!) I was also, without my knowledge, about to create what would one day be the SPANKIN'-EST SITE ON THE WORLD WILD WEB! YEEEEEEEEEHAAAA (SLAP SLAP SLAP)!
You see, I can track how folks find this website, and all the Googling and Yahooing and such breaks down into five basic categories. And the category I wish the most searches belonged to is not the most popular anymore.
CATEGORY ONE: BULL'S-EYES
Example searches:
Steve Hockensmith
Holmes on the Range
On the Wrong Track
The Black Dove
CATEGORY TWO: FORTUNATE ACCIDENTS
Example searches:
Steve Hockensmith photographer (which is actually this guy)
Stryper (because I once used a picture of the Christian rockers/Aqua Net enthusiasts for reasons I can't even remember)
Jeremy Britt (as opposed to the correct spelling, "Jeremy Brett"...which never draws anyone here, strangely enough)
CATEGORY THREE: UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENTS
Example searches:
spanking cowboys
cowboy spankers
top 10 classic spanking scenes in westerns
professional spankers
Etc. etc. etc., all because Big Red mentioned spanking cowboys once!
CATEGORY FOUR: GOOD QUESTIONS (FOR ANOTHER WEBSITE)
Example searches:
where did "cop a squat" come from?
what does "take my mount" mean?
brotherly names holmes (I'm giving this one the benefit of the doubt. I'm assuming there was a good question behind it. I mean, it certainly left me scratching my head.)
CATEGORY FIVE: CHUH?
Example searches:
britnay's spir in red tub
tee-shirt the witness balcony room
yiddish song spank (Spanking related, I know. But still...CHUH?!?)
cowboy steve vagina bandits (I'm not making that up. Much as I might wish I had.)
And, despite all that spanking nonsense, the single most disturbing search to ever bring someone to this website: steve hockensmith pornography
Really. I'd be nauseous if I weren't so perplexed.
Wait a second. Yup, there it is. I am nauseous.
There will now be a ten-minute recess while I go take an Alka-Seltzer and a hot shower.
Alright, I'm back.
If you haven't guessed already, Category Three's the one that's bringing in the most traffic these days. So how do I feel now that more people are coming to this site looking for spanking cowboys than my mystery-solving ones? Well, if you can't beat 'em (metaphorically speaking), join 'em, I say.
Today, I began work on the fifth book in the "Holmes on the Range" series: Spankmasters of the Yukon!, to be followed immediately by Paddles of Justice and The Bottom Blisterers. Coming soon to a Google search near you.
Or near me, anyway. Way too near....
Steve Hockensmith
March 7, 2008
I think I'll pass on the book five. Just too ewwy for me.
I think I found you through "Steve Hockensmith". It sure wasn't anything to do with spanking...
Posted by: Lee | March 08, 2009 at 08:13 AM
Sorry to lose you for book #5, Lee. I need every reader I can get. Hmmmmm, maybe I oughta rethink "Spankmasters of the Yukon!"
"Spankmasters of the Rio Grande!" perhaps...?
-Steve
Posted by: Steve | March 08, 2009 at 11:43 PM
please post letters to eqmm . can not find copies..
Posted by: corey | March 21, 2009 at 03:04 PM
Hey, Corey! I've heard that EQMM has run out of copies for some back issues. If there's a story you're desperately looking for, let me know and maybe I can help you find it.
FYI, I'll be on vacation the next few days, so things'll be pretty quiet here at the ranch. I'll be back in action by the end of the week, though.
Aloha for now!
-Steve
Posted by: Steve | March 21, 2009 at 09:22 PM